★ Rights Sold: Simplified Chinese!
★ The first book in Taiwan written in a local example and accessible popular psychology format about borderline personality, leading readers to perceive, empathize, and establish friendly relationships.

Passion → Control → Break-up → Devastation → Revenge
Hidden around us, a condition that Freud couldn't explain, and one that psychiatrists and psychologists fear to take on.

▍Between health and psychosomatic disorders, they may be your lover, family member, close friend, or boss

The more they love you, the more they want to control you; they are your angel and demon.
They are always in black and white, loving you deeply one moment, and hating you just as deeply the next.
Their emotions and trust cannot be accumulated; they harm themselves and destroy others.
They are always complaining about grievances, always the victim.
Fear, anxiety, and unease; their difficult lives are all part of 'borderline personality disorder'.

▍What is borderline personality?

• Frantically striving to avoid abandonment
• Interpersonally, they oscillate between over-idealizing and devaluing others
• Identity disturbance and low self-esteem
• Engaging in self-harm and reckless behaviors (such as street racing, compulsive shopping)
• Repeatedly threatening suicide or self-harm to prevent the end of relationships
• Intense and uncontrollable outbursts of anger
• When emotions spiral out of control, periods of depression and anxiety can last for hours
• Chronic feelings of emptiness and fear of being alone
• Temporary delusions or dissociation under stress
• Meeting five or more criteria indicates severe borderline personality disorder
• Three or more criteria indicate mild to moderate borderline personality traits

▍They are all wounded faceless ones...
In "The Stunning Wife," the innocent-looking but inwardly prickly mistress "Li Weien," who desperately seeks love and harms both herself and others; in the movie "Control," the highly educated and beautiful wife, to avenge her husband's infidelity, uses a series of criminal schemes to manipulate and control him, not allowing him to leave... These are all portrayals of borderline personality.
They may seem no different from anyone else and can even be exceptionally outgoing, cute, and humorous. Once a relationship is established, they often give their all, but fear can overturn all friendships at any moment. In their black-and-white world, love is either 100 or zero. The slightest disturbance can cause their emotions to swing wildly, even resorting to drastic actions like self-harm and suicide as emotional blackmail, leaving those around them scarred as well.
Coexisting with someone with borderline personality, establishing a relationship with boundaries is crucial. This book, the first of its kind in Taiwan, written in a local example and accessible popular psychology format, guides readers to perceive, empathize, and establish friendly relationships. It is written for friends and family, and also provides practical therapeutic advice for professionals. Most importantly, through this book, it aims to change misunderstandings and stigmatization of borderline personality, truly understanding their existence.

Key Features of the Book

The target audience for this book includes: individuals with borderline personality; family and friends; psychological professionals.

A comprehensive analysis of the insecurities of individuals with borderline personality, which stem from:
‧ Poor care experiences in childhood, loneliness, neglect, and over-control.
‧ Childhood separation or traumatic experiences, such as parental divorce, sexual assault, bullying, domestic violence, and poverty.
‧ Frequent family conflicts, cold atmospheres, and inconsistent treatment.
‧ The neurotic, anxious, controlling, and insecure legacy of borderline personality caregivers.

Basic principles for safely accompanying individuals with borderline personality:
‧ Open (Openness), transparent interactions.
‧ Continue (Continuity), moderate ongoing care, not too intimate.
‧ Boundary (Boundaries), clearly stating your limits from the beginning, which is the most important principle.

Li Xunwei

A counseling psychologist with a social work spirit, currently the director of Light Up the Heart Counseling Center, and the vice chairman of the Taipei City Counseling Psychologists Association, etc.
Hoping to bring change and positive connections to society through psychotherapy, he has worked as a social worker and led volunteer training and professional helping teams, serving as a training supervisor for psychologists and social workers. He has engaged in psychological counseling in hospitals, enterprises, colleges and universities, primary and secondary schools, elementary schools, social welfare units, elderly care, placement institutions, prisons, and courts.
He has always believed that psychology should be more accessible, easier to understand and apply, and is committed to promoting the popularization of psychology. In 2017, he established the Light Up the Heart Counseling Center, hoping to make it easier for the public to be served by psychological concepts.

Preface: Unending Anxiety
Introduction: The Sad Ending of a Beautiful Story

PART 1 The Wounded Faceless Ones | The Face of Borderline Personality
A Life Without Security — "Sooner or later, you will abandon me too."
Dramatic Love — Romance, passion, high standards
The Immature Prince and Princess — Emotional, kind, yet self-centered
Loving You, Hating You, and All-or-Nothing — Longing to be saved, yet forever accompanied by inner demons
The Self That Never Grows — Chaotic, extreme, locating oneself through others' love
The Sensitive Receiver That Can't Be Turned Off — Good at empathy, yet over-interpreting
Inescapable Tragedy and Conflict — Forever viewing the world as a victim with wounds
If I Can't Have You, I'll Hurt You — Control, revenge, self-harm, and harming others

PART 2 The Agony of Struggling to Survive | Origins and Social Context
The Causes of Borderline Personality and How to Get Along — Lack of boundaries is the beginning of problems
Characteristics and Defense Mechanisms of Borderline Personality Disorder — Suspicion makes them绝缘体 of secure relationships
Omnipresent Fear — Controlling, depending, and extorting to avoid being hurt
Shattered Self-Identity — A life intertwined with anxiety
Limited by Pathological Views of Clinical Diagnosis — Why is Borderline Personality Disorder difficult to diagnose and prone to misdiagnosis?
Primary Caregivers as the Source of "Borderline Factors" — In the family, the replicated personality and parenting patterns
The Dangerous Culture of Entering a "Marginalized Society" — The online world as a culture medium for anxiety and unease
The Hidden Implicit Borderline Personality — Women seeking love is pathological, men seeking power is normal?

PART 3 Security is the Ultimate Cure | Assistance Principles for Friends and Family
Gradual Interaction, Providing Warmth with Boundaries — "Unconditional giving" is the beginning of mutual entanglement
Living Excitement is More Real Than Dullness — Accompany him in facing loneliness and seeking meaning
Not Being an "Omnipotent Savior" — Offering advice, not playing the problem-solver
Three "Secure Companionship" Principles — Practice being a quality companion

PART 4 How to Assist and Heal? | Counseling Guide for Helpers
Common Dilemmas of Helpers — Wanting to help but feeling powerless...
Six Basic Skills for Helpers — Take care of yourself first, then you can take care of others
The Limitations of Professional Training — You are dealing with a person, not a problem or symptom
Four Phases of Psychotherapy — Building a friendly relationship, rebuilding a sense of security
Ending of Counseling Relationships — Closing a case is an opportunity for independent growth

End