“Fei E’li is a thinker. This book is a ‘book of reflection’ and a ‘book of philosophy.’ It raises many questions that will keep readers searching, inquiring, and gaining the strength to grow.”
— Wang Shaopei, founder of Backyard Book Club (foreword author)

“The author was a journalist, so her writing carries a crisp power. She was a business executive, so her arguments cut straight to the core. She is a woman, but this book transcends gender narratives — it carries the power of humanity.”
— Ding Shizhao, recipient of the State Council Special Allowance, President of Shenzhen Press Group

“This book, five years in the making, records the author’s experiences and reflections over the years. It can help people of different fields and ages to push beyond their comfort zones and find their own strength.”
— People‘s Daily Shenzhen

“The author once faced the choice of a million-dollar salary, but reflected on what is most precious in life, and ultimately chose to use her time to do what she loves. The true essence of happiness is to live out one’s inner strength.”
— Tiangouguo, Douban reader

★ A former senior journalist at Phoenix TV, she launched a column and hosted a financial program at Xinhua News Agency‘s Asia-Pacific Times at 28, and became a senior executive of a Hong Kong-listed company with a million-dollar salary at 31. Then she resigned — to study at Oxford and the University of St Andrews, traveling through dozens of countries in Europe and Africa, taking five years to reflect before writing this book.
★ Recommended by Ding Shizhao, recipient of the State Council Special Allowance, who wrote in the foreword: “This book transcends gender narratives and carries the power of humanity.” Wang Shaopei, founder of the Backyard Book Club, called the author a “thinker” and this book a “book of reflection” and a “book of philosophy.” Endorsed by 11 figures including Li Rui (Hunan TV host), Liang Manlin (member of the CPPCC National Committee), and Deng Kangyan (former editor-in-chief of Phoenix Weekly).
★ 9 major topics — the pursuit of happiness, self-growth, independence, family of origin, resilience, appearance anxiety, love and relationships, and the meaning of life — all drawn from the author’s own detours. No grand theories, just the clear-eyed notes of someone who once reached the heights, stepped away, and looked back.
★ “When we stop defining the meaning of life by gender, and ask ourselves instead ‘who am I’ … women can truly own the freedom of being themselves.” No preaching, just the late-night confessions of someone who has been there.

This book answers one question: When modern women are pulled in a thousand directions — by family expectations, the glass ceiling at work, appearance anxiety, relationship pressures, and the ticking clock of age — how do they find their own direction and stand their ground?
The book is structured in three parts.
Part One begins with “What is happiness?” The author argues that it is not the objective world that determines our happiness, but our subjective interpretation of events. She proposes cultivating three “hearts” — doing small things well, accepting human limitations, and recognizing that even ordinary people can contribute. Once one understands what truly brings satisfaction, judgment gains its own compass.
Part Two turns to “Who am I?” Using her own journey — from journalist to corporate executive, to scholar and writer — as a thread, she unpacks nine issues that modern women cannot avoid: how childhood wounds affect adult choices, how to choose between “the perfect life in others’ eyes” and “what I truly want,” how not to be crushed by setbacks, where appearance anxiety comes from, and how not to lose oneself in intimate relationships. Each issue begins with a specific situation — not “you should…,” but “this is what I faced, this is how I thought about it, and this is what happened.”
Part Three moves toward action. Independence is not just financial — it is also about decision-making. The author discusses how to stay on course, how to keep distance from fame and fortune, and how to distinguish between “what I want” and “what I should want.” She emphasizes “becoming the decision-maker and executor of your own life,” and extends this independence to relationships — honest communication, sharing responsibility, and maintaining self-awareness in love.
This book offers no one-size-fits-all answers. It offers the reflective notes of someone who once took a wrong turn, stopped, and took a hard look at her own life. It is written for everyone trapped by the word “should.”

Fei E‘li is a former senior journalist and director at Phoenix TV, a former senior executive at a Hong Kong-listed company, and a writer on women’s growth.
At 8, she published her first essay in the children‘s section of Hubei Daily. At 11, she left home to study elsewhere. At 18, she published her first legal commentary in Southern Weekly. At 21, she received her master’s degree in law from Sun Yat-sen University and joined Phoenix TV as a senior reporter specializing in in-depth coverage. At 28, she launched the column “Fei‘s Musings” in Xinhua News Agency’s Asia-Pacific Times and hosted a financial program. At 31, she became a senior executive of a Hong Kong-listed company — then resigned to study at the University of Oxford and the University of St Andrews, where she pursued research in charitable and social causes, traveling through dozens of countries in Europe and Africa.
She holds an executive MBA from Wuhan University and a master‘s degree in social anthropology from the University of St Andrews, and is currently pursuing a PhD. She also starred in “Unicorn,” an outstanding production of the 27th BeSeTo (China-Japan-Korea) Theater Festival.

Chapter 1: The True Essence of Happiness Is Living Out Your Inner Strength
·Slow Down and Engage in Deep Dialogue with Yourself
·Who Are You Playing? Who Do You Want to Be?
·We Are All Kim Ji-young, Born 1982
·Independent Thinking: Guarding Against Three Sources of Negative Thought
·Cultivate Three “Hearts” — We Can All Achieve Them
·Return to Your Inner Self and Set Sail for Happiness

Chapter 2: The Journey of Finding Your True Self
·Know Yourself, Reclaim Yourself, Be Yourself
·Living the “Perfect Life” in Others‘ Eyes — Yet Unhappy
·The Path of Awakening: Where Does Women’s Power Come From?
·Dare to Reveal Your Authentic Self, Leaving No Regrets
·When You Find Your True Self, Your Light Is Unstoppable
·Becoming a “Capable and Lovable” Person: A Sense of Competence and Worth

Chapter 3: At Life‘s Crossroads, Choosing Direction Is Crucial
·Only with a Clear Direction Can You Move Forward
·When Lost in Choices, Dreams Have a “Shelf Life”
·Lost on “Shortcuts” — It’s Hard to Turn Back
·To Stay on Course, You Must Learn to Keep Distance from Fame and Fortune
·Does Financial Freedom Lead to Life‘s Peak?
·Find Your Own Life Script
·Find Meaning in Your Work and Move Toward Your Dreams

Chapter 4: Reconciling with Your Family of Origin
·Learn Transcendent Growth and Reclaim the Ability to Love
·Home Is Not Always a Haven of Love
·You Have More Choices Ahead
·Transcendent Growth: Let the Hurt Stop with Our Generation
·Your Family of Origin Can Be Reshaped

Chapter 5: The Core of Female Independence
·Become the Decision-Maker and Executor of Your Own Life
·Bread and Roses: Live for What You Claim
·Work Hard, but Know When to Rest
·Believe That You Have the Right to Choose Freely

Chapter 6: Building Strong Resilience
·Develop a Rational and Positive Mindset for Lasting Composure
·Rational Awareness: Avoid Three Thinking Traps
·Whether Something Counts as a Setback Depends on How You Frame It
·Post-Traumatic Growth: Cultivate the Power of Resilience
·What Doesn‘t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger
·Take Responsibility for Yourself to Live Freely

Chapter 7: Beauty, Defined by No One
·Reject Appearance Anxiety and Live as a Free Spirit
·Why Do We Pursue a Distorted Standard of Beauty?
·What Outshines Skin Is the Journey You’ve Taken for Your Dreams
·Embrace the Diversity of Beauty, Embrace Your Uniqueness
·The Best Way to Use Beauty: To Delight Yourself
·The Pursuit of Supreme Beauty Is Life’s Ultimate Direction

Chapter 8: When We Enter the World of Love
·Intimate Relationships May Be Difficult, but They‘re Worth the Effort
·Is Marriage the “Grave” of Love?
·Protecting Love: It’s Not Just Passion, but Responsibility
·The Balance in Relationships
·Four Elements of Healthy Communication: Mastering the Art of Love
·If True Love Hasn‘t Arrived, Become the Best Version of Yourself First

Chapter 9: The Answer to Life’s Meaning Can Only Be Found by You
·Broaden the Horizons of Your Mind and Love with Inner Strength
·Embrace Life‘s Gifts — Even When You’re Alone
·The Way to Fight Loneliness Is to Seek Meaning in Life
·Love Is the Practice of a Lifetime

Afterword

【Foreword】 — by Wang Shaopei, founder of Backyard Book Club
The pairing of talent and beauty is often considered the ideal match for a couple — but that doesn’t stop some people from embodying both qualities in one person. My friend Fei E‘li is exactly that.
I remember years ago, when she appeared at the Backyard Book Club, her brief presence caught the attention of many men who immediately asked who this “beauty” was.
As for “talent,” it first shows in her oratory. The logic of her speech, the precision of her thinking, her mastery of wording, the wisdom born of deep learning — all these are evident the moment she speaks. She still carries the habits of a journalist: the curiosity that keeps digging, the kind concern for others’ lives. She also has a rare gift for listening — patiently, attentively taking in others‘ stories.
Better than her oratory is her writing. Someone educated in both Chinese and Western traditions can fuse the concise elegance of Chinese with the fluid richness of Western prose. In her writing, one can glimpse the style of writers like Lin Yutang and Liang Shiqiu. Her writing is a reflection of herself — and it has “beauty,” and quite a lot of it.
All of the above is just the “peripheral part” of this foreword.

Years ago, Fei E’li told me she was writing a book about happiness. It was her first book, and the writing process was difficult. I told her: “Please keep going.” I believed she could use her words to inspire and strengthen countless readers — because she herself was someone who had struggled, weathered storms, and returned to herself and found happiness.
From draft to final manuscript, my instinct was: a potential “thinker” has emerged. That moved me. There are many “literary youths” around us, but thinkers are few — and women thinkers even rarer. Fei E‘li might be an exception.
She can tell stories with grace and emotion, but she places her emphasis on identifying, thinking through, and solving problems. A sense of questioning is the most important quality for any writer — and Fei E‘li has it in abundance.

As a woman thinker, she naturally turned her first book to women’s issues. Though women‘s visibility has grown across industries, each individual woman still faces many questions. So it’s no surprise that this book is titled “Empower Women.” It is a weighty book — because the weight of life itself is heavy.
The book addresses the universal issues every ordinary Chinese woman faces: from career choices to achieving spiritual and material independence, from managing relationships to caring for aging parents. She insists that “every battlefield demands everything you have, and every battlefield is unforgiving.” She declares: “Even if you‘re dealt a losing hand, you can still play it like a royal flush.” This clear-eyed philosophy of life is truly uplifting.
But she’s not just a motivational speaker. She has practical solutions — cultivating three “hearts” to live out inner strength; showing us how to keep distance from fame and fortune; exploring how our families of origin hurt us and how we can transcend and even reshape them; seeking independence and the freedom to choose. These are thoroughly modern concerns.
In her thinking, even beauty becomes a subject of study. As a woman with beauty, she focuses on its inner and diverse qualities — a meaningful perspective for those with appearance anxiety.
And her linking of life‘s meaning to love is profound. Pop culture says life has no meaning — perhaps because those who say it haven’t discovered love. When we can love ourselves, love others, and love the world, we find our own meaning.

For Fei E‘li, life is about “becoming yourself, not your gender.” This means she has moved beyond society’s expectations and definitions of gender roles. She hopes women can become not just “women,” but fully realized human beings — graceful and steadfast, tender and strong.

【Afterword】 — by Fei E‘li
There’s a small, low-key café I frequent, tucked away in a youth community. I like to dress casually, wear a cap, and sit by the street-facing window in the southeast corner, letting the cool breeze between the buildings wash over me as I watch the passing parade: boys on bicycles chasing each other until they‘re drenched in sweat, a chubby toddler clutching a rainbow-colored balloon and muttering to himself, and couples — intimate or still testing the waters — strolling at ease.
Even more striking are the young women who, no matter how cold the weather, wear miniskirts and high heels against the wind or rain, immaculately made up, walking with a sweet scent into everyone’s view. Whether passersby look at them with surprise or envy, they walk with pride and ease. Whenever I see them, I can‘t help but smile to myself — not with the slightest mockery, but with a fullness of appreciation for youth and retrospection: I, too, once walked with such uninhibited boldness. Dear girls, I understand you. Just as I understand the self that once drifted through the years.
In every journey of life, I have never stopped running. These turbulent years may seem enviable to old classmates and friends. But I alone know how many rivers of grief and pain I have waded through. My mother and sister, who have watched me all along, also felt for me: only we see the effort and discipline behind others’ envy; only we know the quiet austerity and self-restraint you maintained even in seemingly unproductive days.
Sometimes we fall into trouble not because we haven‘t tried hard enough — but quite the opposite, because we’ve tried too hard in the wrong direction. That is why I understand the recklessness of youth and also its helplessness and confusion. For women‘s growth, the best posture is not to remain forever in the romantic bloom of youth, but to find the power of rebirth through retrospection.
Compared to the rough-and-ready economic growth of the past, today’s world has a higher demand for spiritual growth. In this process of nourishing society, women‘s power cannot be overlooked.
Not just women — every person faces different hardships in life. In a better society, we hope that the strong will bend down, see the weak, and offer a helping hand; and that those struggling in hardship can also find the strength to lift themselves up. In today’s world, a woman‘s growth requires, beyond family support and social assistance, the empathy and solidarity of “girls help girls” — and the shared hope and effort of women for a society of equality, justice, freedom, and respect.
The completion of “Empower Women” is the best proof of this feminine solidarity: it began five years ago with an invitation from Liu Qin, host of the Shenzhen Women‘s Cultural Salon, to speak on “How to Become a Woman Who Rides the Waves.” It grew from the questions of many young women listeners — online and offline — about life’s confusions. As the manuscript took shape, I met Guilin, president of China Zihai Pai, and we felt like kindred spirits; our scheduled talk ran five hours long and still felt unfinished. In the publication process that followed, from Dr. Guilin to Editor-in-Chief Dong Yingxue, from editor Xin Yao to Ms. Liu Chang of China Science and Technology Press, from designer An Ning to Ms. Wu Ying, from the Human Rights School to the School of Media at Southwest University of Political Science and Law — many devoted their hearts and minds to this book.
Now, as it appears quietly in your hands, it is not something easily achieved, but the product of many women’s diligent collaboration. When these women step away from petty rivalries, they achieve a breadth of heart broader than the ocean and a friendship brighter than the sun. In the surging tides and the endless warmth of spring, these kind, gentle, and powerful women, with time and effort, build solid rocks to resist the waves and ride through the rapids.
As individuals, our power is small. But every advance in every time and society comes from brave people joining hands — loving themselves, loving others, facing difficulties with courage, without fear or dread.
Remember: I was born to be a mountain, not a stream; I wish to stand at the peak and look down upon the valleys of mediocrity. Drops of starlight eventually gather into a brilliant sea, forming the most moving constellation in the universe.