“Tanya Tank’s book is a non-fiction psychological thriller.”
--Kultura Online

“An eye-opening book that saves the destinies of countless women.”
--IRECOMMAND Community Review

“An essential book for teenagers entering relationships—it teaches them the right perspective on love.”
--MEL Online Magazine

“This book is fascinating, like reading a thrilling love story with intertwined plotlines.”
--Psychologies Magazine

★ A book every woman should own! An irresistible book, and a lifesaving one!
★ 150 typical situations of emotional manipulation most commonly encountered by women in intimate relationships.
★ How this book helps identify abusers before it’s too late: hidden techniques and manipulations you might not have noticed, a more systematic understanding of destructive personalities who use sex as a tool of manipulation, and guidance on how to end relationships with abusers.
★ English sample chapters available.

He loves me, yet he cheats.
He loves me, but he criticizes harshly.
He loves me, yet he controls every step.
He loves me, but we argue every day.
He loves me, but he often leaves and then… comes back.
He loves me, but I always feel guilty somehow…
He loves me, but I’ve fallen into depression.
I feel good with him, but… also terrible.
He torments me because he loves me too much, right?
Did I ruin our relationship?
Why did he choose her over me?
Should I believe his remorse again?
Will he change for me?
Should I walk away from this love that has exhausted me?
How can I stop loving him and get him out of my mind?

Stop! Are you sure this is love, and not a dangerous illusion imposed on you under the guise of genuine emotion? A toxic substitute eroding your life? True love or a mirage? Look closely—don’t confuse the two!
Heartbreak, disappointment, difficult breakups… Every day, readers send me dramatic confessions, asking the same questions—questions common to everyone who has experienced “complicated” love with those “contradictory” people. In this book, the author has collected and commented on 150 typical situations from these letters. Now, open the table of contents and find the one that belongs to “you”!
Tanya Tank’s book helps us gain a more systematic understanding of destructive personalities who use sex as a tool of manipulation. In high-quality, healthy relationships, partners in love strive to meet each other’s needs in a timely manner. If that’s not the case, it’s worth taking a closer look at whether your partner is manipulating you to satisfy their own selfish desires.

Tanya Tank

A renowned Russian journalist, blogger, psychologist, and expert in healthy relationships. Editor-in-chief of “Live Journal,” and bestselling author. Tanya Tank graduated from Lobachevsky State University of Nizhny Novgorod and built a career in journalism. With 25 years of experience, she won the Russian Journalism Award “Excellence in Profession” in 2011 and was a winner of the 4th All-Russian Media Competition in 2014. Tanya Tank blogs about emotional abuse on Instagram and LiveJournal, attracting a large following. She is the author of popular books such as the “Be Afraid, I’m With You” trilogy, “Sleeping with an Abuser,” and “My Toxic Family,” and has become an authority on destructive/narcissistic/emotionally abusive relationships. She continues to explore everything related to this topic.

Preface 8

PART ONE. BLOSSOM AND BERRIES 11
Idealizing or really in love? 12
Her way from a goddess to a skinny junkie 15
He is calling me positive and holy 16
Why didn’t I sense his lies? 18
He treated women badly but love to me made him different 20
Why didn’t we have romance and worship? 24
He hated me, and then fell in love 25
He likes me, but he’s shy 27
I was like under hypnosis 32
I can’t forget the euphoria of the first weeks 33
Her sun rises and sets on him 35
He demanded to leave social networks 37
I can’t help but worry 40
I broke my leg, but he didn’t care 41
I told him the most intimate 42
“Change your character or break up” 44
“Are you ready to improve yourself for the sake of a loved one?”………45
He didn’t come either half past six or half past seven... 46
He tells me nasty gossip about me 49
After I confessed my love to him, hell began 50
He makes me watch a violent movie 52
I’m waiting for him to open up to me again 53
One day he adds me as a friend, then the next day he unfriends me 54
I live in fear of offending him 56
It’s bad with him, but it’s even worse without him 58
He said, “You’re blind”, and gone 59
“You’re not even interested in what happened to me?” 61
He has no money for food, I want to give him 5,000 62
He moved in with me three weeks later 65
He asked to marry me and... is silent about the wedding 66
Is he going to marry her? 69
Is there an abuse without depreciation? 70
He doesn’t hit me, but I have... bruises 71
I became afraid of holidays 73
He demands money from me for his mortgage 75
My boyfriend offered me to give him my salary .76
He promised to surprise, but didn’t even congratulate me 78
He is demanding I return gifts he gave me 81
Are there generous abusers? 82
He complains to everyone that I don’t cook well 83
He reproaches me with every piece 84
He says that I attract negativity into his life 87
I started playing giveaway 89
... it would be better if he shouted! 90
We spend hours sorting things out 92
I drink, and it’s still not enough 94
He demands I always be perfect 96
I’m thinking about suicide more and more often 99
I don’t know which one of us is an abuser anymore 101
I tried to have a dialogue, but I got even more confused 103
He said that the solution of our problems is a child 105
He dreamed of having children, but... asked to get an abortion 107
He promised not to let me down and still let me down 109

PART TWO. ALREADY ANOTHER GIRL IN YOUR ROOM ... …111
54. I am feeling like Othello in a skirt with him 112
55. He praises his girlfriends to me 117
56. He sings the praises of his ex-wife 118
57. My boyfriend is being stalked by his ex 120
58. Lisette, Paulette and oh, Marietta 122
59. What if he loves her? 123
60. He’s fine now, he’s with another girl 124
61. He can’t choose from three girls 126
62. An abuser or just a womanizer? 127
63. Can a womanizer become faithful? 128
64. My boyfriend calls himself polyamore 130
65. It turned out he had a wife 131
66. He likes me, but he's still married 133

PART THREE. SLEEPING WITH AN ABUSER 135
67. Where are the nights full of fire? 136
68. He “protects” me from sex 139
69. It hurts him, but is it my fault? 141
70. I'm terribly dependent on him sexually 142
71. He turned form a sex terrorist into a block of ice 144
72. Both husband and lover are narcissists 146
73. He wants me to sleep with others 147
74. I cheated on him, repented, but he continues tormenting me 150
75. He wants to, but...stops 151
76. He counts my orgasms 152
77. He cheats on me, but gives gifts 154
78. He discovered masochism in me 155
79. He says that I’m insecure 158
80. He pesters me in front of his colleagues 160
81. He cheated on me, but he honestly admitted it 162
82. Did he sleep with me out of pity? 163

PART FOUR. TO LEAVE AND NOT TO RETURN 165
83. How to decide to break up? 166
84. How to leave forever the first time? 168
85. I want to leave, but he won’t let me go 171
86. Is it possible to get out of a toxic relationship yourself? 172
87. How to make him leave me alone? 173
88. How to tell him about the breakup? 177
89. Wait for an excuse or just leave? 178
90. Should narcissus be told at parting that he is a narcissist? 180
91. Block him or not? 182
92. He said he would take revenge 184
93. He threatens suicide if I leave 187
94. I maxed out my credits for him. I’m afraid to leave and remain in debt 188
95. Does it happen that there are no pings? 191
96. Why is he wearing my pendant and drinking from my cup? 193
97. I didn't wait for the sugar show 195
98. Should I respond to his congratulations? 196
99. He unblocked me, but silent 197
100. “I’ll never come back to you!” 198
101. He became a completely different person 199
102. I have an expensive birch switch in it 201
103. Is it possible to part well? 203
104. Or maybe he really wants it all back? 205
105. How to behave in case of a chance meeting? 206
106. 100-day quarantine has passed. Is it possible to communicate with him? 209
107. We broke up, but continue working in the same office 210
108. How to last six months next to a narcissist? 211
109. He has a lot of my photos. Can I expect him to do mean things? 213
110. He writes my friends nasty things about me 215
111. I cry when I hear our song 216
112. How to leave if we have a child? 218
113. He won’t leave us alone anyway 221
114. My parents won’t understand my divorce 222
115. I divorced with him, but he comes every day 224
116. I'm afraid he's going to take our baby away from me 228
117. How not to lose yourself in the struggle for a child? 229
118. Can a child from a narcissist become a narcissist? 230
119. He is a terrible husband, but... a wonderful father? 232
120. I couldn't stand it and came back 233
121. I want him to come back 235
122. I can't stop loving him 236
123. I can't forget the good things that happened between us 238
124. How to hurt him? 239
125. My relatives chatted all my ears off about him 241
126. I left, and he posted his confession letter online 243
127. No one understands my suffering 245
128. I broke up. I hate. How to find a way of dealing with it? 248
129. They didn't even understand me in the support group! 250
130. I talk to him all the time... in my mind 252
131. I think about him a lot. Maybe he connects to me remotely? 253
132. I want to make him propose me and leave him 255
133. Did I manage to kill his self-esteem? 257
134. Is it a weakness to leave the abuser? 258
135. He wants to start a new life and asks for my help 260
136. Divorce him or convince him to be treated? 263
137. I want to date him just for sex 266
138. Could a “holy man” be an abuser? 268
139. He cries in the movies. Is he capable of feeling, then? 270
140. He’s been normal for ten years! 273
141. I can’t find a replacement for him 276
142. I started living with a good one, but I'm secretly dating my ex 277
143. Should I give a chance to an old suitor? 278
144. He said, “Call me when you get rid of your principles” ………280
145. I got into an abuser again 281
146. I’m looking for romance, but I get into abuse 283
147. I don’t believe in love anymore. Looking for sex without obligations 284
148. Will I meet a good man again? 287
149. Does life punish abusers? 288
150. What a happy life is a life without abuse! 290

ABC of Abuse 294
Helpful information 303