"This book is designed as a self-help guide, but in this reviewer's eyes, it offers even more. While interested readers can certainly use it to embark on a fascinating journey—identifying their core needs and possible emotional wounds, and learning to confront the 'elephants hidden behind mosquitoes'—this book can also be incredibly helpful for patients currently in psychotherapy. It provides well-founded support, helping them better understand how disruptive behaviors, even stubborn symptoms, often stem from unmet core needs and failed coping attempts, complementing their ongoing therapy process. Conclusion: It's deeply comforting to realize that to find happiness and satisfaction, we don't always have to reinvent our lives. Sometimes, it’s enough to uncover the 'elephants behind the mosquitoes' that weigh us down."
------ Dr. Peter Kosarz, Psychotherapeutenjournal

"Who hasn’t experienced this: days spent dwelling on a seemingly harmless criticism, intense anger over a minor injustice, or deep shame from a trivial joke—these are all emotional ‘elephants’ that grow out of tiny mosquito bites.
In precise yet relatable language, enriched with vivid case studies that feel familiar, Ernstfried Hanisch explains how over-the-top emotional reactions often trace back to earlier stressful experiences. These old, often half-forgotten wounds leave behind ‘sensitive spots’ that can flare up at the slightest touch.
Hanisch shows us how to recognize and honor these frustrated core needs and balance them with other life goals. Drawing on clear models from cognitive behavioral and schema therapy, he introduces simple questionnaires and tests to help identify the themes and intensity of these ‘elephants.’ He translates common therapy terms into intuitive, visual diagrams and metaphors, making it easier to understand the conflicts between competing needs that arise from painful experiences—and to see the self-protection patterns we’ve built to guard against emotional pain.
Finally, through practical exercises and reflective ‘homework,’ Hanisch guides us in recognizing our fundamental needs and developing new, socially appropriate ways of responding—all with the goal of taking better care of ourselves.
Hanisch has written an immensely practical book. Not only will everyday readers feel seen and understood in their emotional struggles and self-protection habits, but even seasoned therapists will find fresh and surprising applications of proven behavioral therapy methods. This is a book therapists can confidently recommend to patients—and still learn from themselves."
------Sabine Waadt, Licensed Psychotherapist (Clinical Psychologist)

★ Rights sold: Italy, China, Korea, Taiwan, Thailand!
★ A German classic in psychological healing.
★ Bestseller, nearly one million copies sold and still resonating deeply with readers seeking clarity and emotional well-being.
★ Employing a wealth of illustrative stories, Ernstfried Hanisch makes
it clear that we should pay close attention to unpleasant emotional
reactions, and not pretend they don't exist.
★ The book offers practical guidance to help us recognize and satisfy
our intrinsic emotional needs.

A critical comment, an unreturned greeting, socks left on the floor—daily life offers countless reasons to get irritated over small things. But are they really just "small things"? No one reacts with intense emotions without a cause, so it’s worth uncovering the real reason behind our big upsets. Often, we quickly find that when core emotional needs—such as appreciation, autonomy, or security—are threatened or even wounded, the very foundation of our well-being is shaken. Old patterns and outdated coping mechanisms then kick in almost automatically.

Through memorable real-life stories, the author shows how we can stop this process and restore our inner balance. A self-test to explore your own needs, along with practical exercises, will help you constructively address emotional disturbances and find your way out of dead ends.

This book is for anyone who:
Wants to understand why they or others react so emotionally to seemingly minor triggers.
Aims to discover what truly matters to them in life.
Seeks to balance their various needs.
Is looking for an easy-to-understand companion guide to behavioral therapy to help change old patterns.

Dr. Ernstfried Hanisch
As a licensed psychological psychotherapist, he has over 45 years of professional experience and is authorized to work with public health insurance patients in Munich. He is a state-certified trainer for psychotherapists, seminar leader, teaching therapist, and supervisor.
For more than 37 years, he has served as a lecturer at the Munich Institute for Behavioral Therapy Training (AIM), where he also held a board position for many years.
**Professional Timeline**
1981 – Present: Operating his own psychotherapy practice in Munich
1983 – Present: Leading seminars at various psychotherapy training institutes in Munich
• Association for the Promotion of Clinical Behavioral Therapy (VfkV)
• Institute for Therapy Research (IFT)
• Center for Integrative Psychotherapy (CIP)
1993 – Present: Providing self-experience sessions and interaction-based case work ("Behavioral Therapy Training Group") for doctors and psychologists, recognized by the Bavarian Medical Association
2001 – Present: Conducting supervisor training at the VfkV
**His Therapeutic Approach**
His method for treating mental and psychosomatic conditions is integrative, solution-focused, and aims to help clients develop personal strengths and achieve their life goals. It is grounded in evidence-based behavioral therapy.
**Treatment Specialties**
- Anxiety disorders
- Depression
- Burnout syndrome
- Self-esteem issues
- Difficulties in social interactions
- Relationship conflicts
Beyond self-experience sessions and interaction-based case work, he offers both individual and group supervision. He also conducts training seminars at AIM and CIP.