"The short case studies sprinkled throughout the book are not only refreshing and allow the readers a chance to examine their personal biases towards the subjects, but also make a critical point about the therapeutic process. In therapy, the direct confrontation with reality comes before any theory. The case studies break the theoretic dichotomy where there is always a male aggressor and a female victim." —— Hananel Ross, "Makor Rishon"

"This book is about the wisdom of practicality. It holds the complexity necessary to treatment in a way only a man versed in the practice can write. It has a complicated stance about the conflict between the feminist approach and the mutual violence approach, which sees the contribution of both partners to violence. It does not obfuscate for a moment the measure of responsibility, social structure etc., but keeps in mind that there are occasions where violence is a mutual act, and that empathy is the real engine of change, not blame or retribution." —— Dr. Guy Pearl, Tel-Aviv University

"An intriguing and significant book for the professional reader. The book invites the reader to learn, in an interesting way, about the experience of men who are directed to treatment based on violence aimed at their intimate partner alongside the experience of their therapist." —— Dr. Ohad Gilbar, Ben Gurion University

From the Author:
On my third year of social work studies, I was offered to do my professional training at the local prison. I first declined the offer, as I didn't choose this line of work to help those whose victims I empathized with and wanted to help. And yet, I ultimately said yes. I found myself arrive at the prison twice a week to meet with inmates. After I finished my training, I stayed and worked at the prison for two more years.

At the course of my work, I treated men who had committed intimate violence towards their partners. In my attempts to help them with conventional methods, I experienced a whole spectrum of emotions. I was angry at times, compassionate at others; I remember a prisoner I cared for and couldn't stop worry about. I despised some and valued others for their effort. In my time at the prison, I could not stop these feelings, mostly of confusion and guilt.

At first it wasn't clear to me if my compassion towards these violent, sometimes homicidal men was appropriate. It scared me to find I could be empathetic towards them. Today, after more than 25 years of treating hundreds of intimately violent men I can say that without trying to understand the men I treated, without the ability to empathized with them and wanting to help them, I could not have written this book.

An intriguing look at the lesser-known side of male violence – the mind of the offender.

Unlike most books about abuse at the hands of men, this unique account does not focus on the victims – rather, it shines a light on the mindset of the violent men themselves, unraveling the causes, characteristics, and consequences of their actions.

From his experience as a clinical social worker who has worked for over 25 years with men who have committed acts of domestic violence, Dr. Yair Apter lays out the psychological complexities and social influences surrounding male violence, giving readers a rare opportunity to delve into this increasingly common phenomenon from a new, rarely seen empathetic perspective – without compromising its important social standpoint.

Interspersed with true case studies from Dr. Apter’s clinic, this book combines theory and practice to create a comprehensive overview of why men become violent, and what can be done to prevent it and to rehabilitate offenders.

Yair Apter
Dr. Yair Apter is a clinical social worker with years of experience. His work with rehabilitating violent men began during the third year of his degree, when he took a professional development position at a prison. Despite his apprehension, Dr. Apter discovered meaning and complexities in his work, learning to understand, help, and sometimes even empathize with his patients. This led him onto his professional course and since then, for over twenty-five years he has led private and group therapy sessions to help rehabilitate men who have expressed violent domestic behavior.
In addition to his clinical work with patients, Dr. Apter is a professor of gender studies in Bar-Ilan university and runs the Naamat fatherhood center in Israel. This book was born out of his desire to give a voice to the other side of the equation and reveal the psychological, social, and mental complexities of the minds of violent men.